project 4

This sculpture represents social anxiety. As a result of intimidation, I have slowly realized that I make my presence smaller for other people and consequently, I am a push-over. I am more so scared than anything. Scared of being perceived, scared of rejection, scared of being myself when I'm not 100% certain that it is a safe space.

Certain authoritative social situations trigger coping mechanisms for me, this includes going mute and not having the ability to talk (mental block which makes me physically unable to verbally communicate). Sometimes I go numb, sometimes I cry uncontrollably. I also have a very difficult time with saying no or standing up for myself, for example, when being misgendered.

I have always had social anxiety, however, since COVID-19, it has gotten significantly worse. Not only is bacteria a constant concern, but after quarantine, I am hyper-aware of my social anxieties. After living in the woods, isolated without my siblings and only my parents for a year without seeing anyone, I have completely scared myself.

Of course, there are always improvements, they may be slow but they are there, especially after journaling and making efforts to engage socially more often.

Symptoms, References & Inspirations:

-Feelings of severe awkwardness or inferiority around authority figures
-A fear that others will notice the social anxiety sufferer’s discomfort and reject them because of it
-Extreme reluctance to express opinions or initiate conversations, motivated by a fear of being dismissed as stupid or pushy

The list of social situations that make social anxiety sufferers nervous and avoidant include:

-Parties and/or intimate gatherings with people they don’t know well
-Interactions with authority figures, or well-known and accomplished individuals
-Being introduced to new people in settings where conversation is expected

All five figures are painted white to emphasize the figure sizes. The sizes correspond with each individual's presence.
I am the figure in the middle, feeling powerless surrounded by social domination, hence the sculpture's title "Feeling Small."

This sculpture represents how I feel in social situations. It may also represent the thoughts that surround and invade my mind during these difficult situations.

After "completing" this project, I disliked the original version and realized I was not confident presenting it. So I decided to remake it. After comparing the two, I noticed that the second version looks totally different. There is more space between the figures and it feels more calm. It does not look like the middle figure is suffocating as much (representing me). While trying to understand the relation between the two pieces and why there is such a noticeable difference, I have realized that this change is significant and parallel to my current life. In the past, I have let this anxiety control my path and how I navigate myself. But my recent devotion to Self-healing has perhaps influenced the evolution of this social sculpture.
I believe that this represents me choosing my mind and my Self, over my thoughts and perceived enemies. Even if I do not feel worthy, I must choose to make my path despite my fears. Trust in my Self and trust in change.